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Today it will have been 1 year since I miscarried my first little Angel. That day/week was a nightmare literally.

Bobby surprised me with a delivered gift. He had to go in this morning and observe some classes for his schooling and while he was gone I got a knock on the door. It took me awhile to get to the door because I was still in my sleep shirt but once I got there it was a lady with flower in hand: For those of you that don't know, a duck was the first and only stuffed animal that Bob bought for the baby. He wanted it to be the baby's theme. Dad Risch came up with the nick-name 'Ducky' and that is what we have called our little one all along. Bob ended up getting a tattoo of the duck he had bought, with the date Ducky passed away '4-9-08' underneath. The tattoo is on Bob's upper inside arm. Bob said he wanted it because he never wanted to forget our first baby.

Bob remembers everything and is so thoughtful! I don’t know how I got a man so sweet as him! And he acts like his acts of kindness are just natural, no big deal… but of course they are to me! His gift did make me totally cry though and then when he got back home he just held me and let me cry a little more. And though he wouldn’t admit it to just everyone, he cried too. It really touches me deeply when he is open with his emotions like that.

I’ve got the best guy there is ladies, sorry to inform you of that LOL

Today we had another check up today. All they really did was a non-stress test on the baby. She was sleeping at the time and they really wanted her awake and moving, so I drank juice and did a bit of poking to get her awake. Poor Anabel!

I made a stronger batch of Red Raspberry Tea tonight because I want her to come! It’s been storming tonight and she’s been giving me some contractions but nothing to get excited over.

My Mom is coming down for the weekend. She should be here in the morning. I’m hoping Anabel will come so my Mom doesn’t end up having to make another trip later. It would be so convenient if she just decided to come in the next couple of days! Oh well, there is no use trying to depict when she will come because she has a mind of her own!

Here is a picture of the painting Bob recently did:
It was his first ever painting using oil paints, and he did a great job, if I do say so myself!
What do you think? Isn’t it nice? I’m totally hanging this up in our living room!

Also…

Here is a picture of a new baby gift we got from Aunt Jessica and Grandma Risch:

YAYS! This will be great once Anabel starts eating solids or if I just need a place to put her while I’m working in the kitchen. It goes up until they are a toddler and becomes a booster seat for them, so it’s something you can keep on using. I love it! Thank you Aunt Jessica and Grandma Risch!

Facts:

To start things off, I will let you know that I had my husband Bob take some posed pictures of me while I was pregnant. I did want some professional pictures taken by a photographer but everywhere we looked was far too expensive. So I had asked Bob to try taking some pictures of me, then I would edit them in Photoshop and we would see if we could get some good ones with out paying tons of money to someone else. So we did, and I have posted some on this blog (that is dedicated to my pregnancy and my soon to be little girl) and in a photo album clearly labeled ‘belly pictures’.

Yesterday someone informed me that the sister I no longer keep contact with was spread things on the internet. Apparently she saw the belly picture Bob took of me and that is on a previous post here on my blog (I’m assuming it is the brown toned photo she is talking about: http://babyrisch.blogspot.com/2009/03/37wks.html ) and thought it was a horrid picture. Of course she can’t keep things to herself; instead she proceeded to get on Geni.com (a family tree website which we have over 250+ relatives on) and say the following:

“Family and extended relations who have seen the nude pictures that my youngest sibling took of herself and posted a link to. Please know that she does not come from a family that agrees with this behavior!”

Unfortunately this sister’s view on anything means nothing to me, so it doesn’t bother me whether she cares for the picture or not, but to spread that I ‘post and link nude pictures of myself on the internet’ does bother me. 99.9% of the people that will read her comment haven’t and most likely will never see this picture, and will never know that she is talking about a pregnancy belly shot. They will, I assume, think as I would if I read that comment, that I am just out there trying to show off my ‘nude’ body (and shows God knows what) and doesn’t really care who sees it.

I personally see nothing wrong with this picture. Pregnancy is a beautiful thing to me and I have seen a lot more revealing pregnancy images on the internet then this one and I’m not offended (nor would be offended if my husband saw them) because it is focusing on the life growing inside you. God’s creation of the way a woman bares a child is an awesome thing to me. I love my pregnant belly and don’t see anything vulgar in it.

To make sure this wasn’t just my opinion I posted a message on a message board of wives and mothers and asked them their true opinion on the picture… if it was to revealing and something that they thought should be kept private. 100% of the replies said there was nothing wrong with picture, that it was a beautiful display of a pregnant belly and that they even wouldn’t be offended if their husbands saw it. That there was nothing pornographic in it and that it was obvious that the attention was on the belly.

If someone had a problem with it other then this one sister of mine, that would actually mean something to me.

I do have more revealing pregnancy pictures that my husband took and even though all the private areas are most definitely covered, I do feel they are a little to revealing to display in public, therefore I have not posted them for everyone to see.

In short I find it funny how petty and troublesome some people can be. If they want to cause trouble or try and ruin someone’s name they will go to all lengths to do so. It is sad really. In myself I would like to defend myself and write some sort of comment back, on the site, telling the truth of the matter and try to defend my honor, but why get into an arguing match with her? What good will it really do?

If you want to get down to it, technically it is a nude picture (oh my gosh!) but it shows nothing and I don’t feel sinful over the image at all. She can say what she wishes and she can try all she wants, to make me look like a bad, terrible, sinful person… it really doesn’t mean a thing to me (sad to say)

If someone that reads this, has an opinion on the subject or thinks my pictures is bad then I invite them to speak up and tell me what they really think… I actually would really like to hear it.

Hehe it’s raining. I’m currently sitting in the back of my van with the hatch open, in the middle of the park on a Saturday evening. I came out here a couple hours ago to just sit and relax. It’s such a beautiful night! The temperature is perfect! I managed the draw a little, and then write a little. Now it is raining pretty hard! LOL Here soon I will need to leave to make it home in time to cook Bob supper but I don’t want to get out in this! I suppose if I could maneuver my big tummy right, I could close the hatch from within and then climb over the seats to the front of the van…. Huh the rain is going in waves. It will die down, and then pick up again. It is beautiful!

Crazy teenagers! They are squealing their tires in the rain… how juvenile!

My hormones have been totally out of whack today. To say the least I have been very… extremely… emotional today. My poor husband!

We did have a few hours of relaxing time together. He took me on a rather long walk this afternoon, which I was very thankful for. We never get much time together… an hour here and there, nothing to satisfy my desire to be with him though. Even on his mornings off it never seems like enough. Mostly because he is very tired and sleeps most of the day away, then we don’t have enough time to find something enjoyable to do together before he has to get ready for work and leave. Most of the time he just wants to watch a movie and ‘veg’ and while I totally understand that (because he has worked so hard for the rest of the week) it frustrates me as well, because watching a movie brings no interaction with it, and I guess what I am craving is interaction. The problem is that lately my idea of fun or ‘together time’ is very different then his, and it’s nothing wrong with him… I just get frustrated and then extremely emotional. It’s hard to find a middle ground. We have talked together about are different needs. I’m a person that needs a lot of interaction, talk, touch, one on one. He doesn’t really need that near as much as I do. He is perfectly fine with quiet, with us doing separate things as long as we are together in the same house. If I am reading a book and he is playing a video game, this would be perfectly acceptable ‘together time’ to him, were I would want to play a game ‘together’, or talk to him or something like that.

He is really a wonderful guy and I love him to death, don’t get me wrong. I just wish we had more time together is all, especially before and after the baby comes.

What a wonderful thing it is that God has created, for us to carry another life within ourselves. It is so amazing yet frightening. It is so much responsibility and so much joy! To feel your little one move inside you is unexplainable. You can’t get your baby out of your mind, you think about them constantly. I know for me if I wasn’t consciously thinking about my baby, she was at the back of mind, always present, no matter what I did. I often thought my husband was going to get tired of me because it seemed as though every time I opened my mouth it had to do with something about my little one. It was hard to think of anything else for to long.

Now that I am at the end of my pregnancy everything is still the same yet there is an added anxiousness that nags at you. Before you just enjoy being pregnant and everything that comes with it, then once the end is so close in sight a switch is turned inside of you. You want your little one in our arms and you want it so badly that it will almost drive you insane to wonder when that moment will happen.

I have been longing to hold my little girl for so long it seems eternity. The last several weeks seem like the longest even though it is not so. I think it is because you know the time is so very close and that you get so uncomfortable. All your aches and pains that you have had throughout the pregnancy seem to get ten times worse and ten times more unbearable. Your hormones are so imbalanced that every little thing can get at you.

You have to keep reminding yourself that what you have worked for nine months or over to have is almost in your grasps. That the best is yet to come, and you only have to be patient for a little while longer.

I cannot wait to see my precious little girl! What a wonderful and glorious day that will be! I want to enjoy every moment with her as a baby; I know I will never get it back. I cannot help but think about the future and her growing up… although I know it will happen all too soon. Parenthood will be difficult and there might be many times I ask myself why I wanted this in the beginning, but I know it will all be worth it.

My future is bright and I can’t wait to see where it will go from here. I have a man that is far too perfect for me, a wonderful gift on her way and a God that has looked after us far better than I could imagine. Really there is nothing else I could ask for but for God to guild us and give us more little bundles of join in our path. I can’t wait to be a mother!

Well yesterday I had a dentist appointment. They said they weren’t going to do a whole lot because I still hadn’t had the baby and he didn’t want to add more pain on top of what I already have. So he just adjusted the braces, put a lighter wire on my top row of teeth (which you would think would make it feel better… NO) Well thank goodness the pain didn’t kick in till later that day (after I was able to eat lunch) But boy! Talk about pain! My whole mouth hurts terribly! Yesterday was bad and this morning was sooo painful! Thank goodness it feels like it is starting to get better, slowly but surely! I still have to eat soft things, and stay away from the right side of my mouth, but at least I am able to get things down a little better then before.

Bob came home at 2pm from his classes and informed me that the next class had been canceled so that gave us an extra hour together. That always makes me happy. I was in so much pain today because of my mouth I so badly wanted him to stay with me tonight, and just call in to work or something! But I didn’t ask him too. I know it would have been silly of him to do that, plus we need the money. We also need him to save those days off for when ever the baby decides to get here!

Speaking on the baby, well she’s been giving me some cramps and sharp pains today, but nothing real exciting. I went shopping today. Glad to get some walking in and hoped it would help things along. Well I pushed around an uber heavy cart for over an hour and it didn’t even give me contractions really. I was proud of myself though. I shopped, loaded and unloaded (all but the heavy water packs) all by myself and still felt actually pretty good.

Once home, I rested for about an hour or so then decided I should put everything away. Before I did that though, I emptied the refrigerator of all the stuff that needed thrown away, rearranged and also deep cleaned it all out. I was very very proud of myself then mind you :) I also rearranged our storage shelves and swept. I did a load of dishes too and put away most of the clean dishes. The kitchen looks a ton better then it did. YAYS!!!

Some dude that Bob works with called me and told me Bob was going to be late for dinner. I was glad he did because I was getting worried when he didn’t show up when he normally does. We had a simple meal. Bob had sandwiches and because of my mouth I just put together some ham with cream cheese, olives and baked beans for me. For desert I had strawberry swirl cheesecake (I had bought a personal serving of it for me today. It was something soft and yummy I knew my mouth could handle hehe).

We got the first disc of ‘Ma and Pa Kettle’ from netflix today so we watched some it on Bob’s dinner break. I think mom and dad Risch would like this show, it’s so cute and wholesome!
Anyways that’s pretty much it for today. I’m uber tired so I think I will head on to bed. Tomorrow me and Bob get all up until 3:45pm together, YAYS!!! I can’t wait :)

Well nothing special or exciting going on for me today. I'm 8 days over due now... or take your pick it's either:

8 days over due according to the Life Center which gave me my pregnancy test and my first due date of 3-24
Or its 5 days over due according to the midwives, which gave me the due date 3-27
Or today is my due date according the internet who estimated it off of my 35 day cycle periods instead of the normal 28 day (which is what doctors and midwifes use)

So take your pick, who knows which is the right one! Although I tend to lean towards 4-1 because it took in account my facts and not just a general time scale. *shrugs*
~
I did make myself homemade flour tortillas and put butter and cinnamon sugar on it for my breakfast, LOL Not healthy I know! But I was sick of cereal and have been craving cinnamon sugar tortillas for a long time now. Even had a dream about it last night, so I decided I would indulge!

Bobby did surprise me and came home for a tad bit around 10:20am. He had told me not to expect him until 2pm. It was nice to see him for the extra 30min. My mind says I want to get up and tidy up the house, but my body says 'nah, stay right here and be lazy'. Who knows which voice will really win in the end! LOL

Tomorrow is my dentist appointment, I hate those! I always have a killer headache afterwards and he always hurts me, no matter what. I’m tempted to cancel. I know he is going to want to put spacers in between some of my teeth this time because last time he said he would wait because they are painful and he knew I was going to have a baby and figured I wouldn’t want anymore pain (true true). But now that the baby hasn’t arrived yet I wonder if he will say that he can’t wait any longer and has to put them in anyways. I don’t want them in… I’ve lived months with over 16 of them in my mouth before and let me tell you… it’s horrid! Ehhhh what am I saying? It’s probably too late to cancel anyways and Bob probably wouldn’t let me either way.